last song syndrome

“Because you live, I live.”

It’s another cheesy line from another cheesy love song. After listening to Ryan Cabrera’s “True” at least twice a day for the past few weeks, I have grown a bit tired of it. So it’s time to replace it with another song that would service my LSS for the next few days or weeks. Jesse McCartney’s “Because You Live” is fast topping the “Most Played” smart-list on my IPod. The Aaron Carter look-alike coincidentally sounds like the big brother, Nick Carter, reminding me of my grade school teeny-bopper days with the matching choreographed dances to Backstreet Boys classics like “Quit Playing Games with My Heart.”

Ah yes, the good old days when we could just run through the playgrounds without a care save for the gasp-inducing 7/10 quiz. Nowadays, getting a 75 on an accounting test can merit joy. Yep, you can just see how my personal standards have gone down the drain over the years. Time and experience have funny ways of changing you. And I’m not just talking about contentment with regards to grades.

A lot about me has changed over the years, with each experience either putting up a new wall around my optimism or sanding down whatever wooden parts of my heart. On some days, I wonder why I react to certain things a certain way and yet come off completely contradictory when reacting to another similar situation. Sometimes, I wonder why I never got around to writing stories the way I’ve been wanting to since Grade 5. Sometimes, I wonder why I’m taking up Management Engineering in Ateneo and enduring all these long nights for a CPI that does not even reach the much-coveted 3.35 mark. Sometimes, I wonder why I never found the courage to pack my bags and try out university life in the States, why I never got the nerves to pass a college application someplace else. And always, I wonder why all I do is sit here and ponder when I should be out there trying to get back on the track of my dreams.

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